The 10 People You Will See in a Coffee Shop this August

1. A man wearing a velvet purple coat despite the heat. He will tell you that Ira Glass and he got into a fight once. You won't believe him until he shows you his microphone-shaped scar on his neck with the letters "TAL" branded into the side.
2. A kid wearing only a baby blue baseball cap and a pair of grinch boxers. He will only sing Justin Bieber's Despacito, which the barista will interpret as a grande mocha latte with extra skim milk. The barista is correct.
3. Someone will be talking about the birds. They will be listening.
4. Your friendly street mime who does not find it funny that you come up to him and pretend to be in a box. He separates his work from his life and does not appreciate you blurring those lines. You should stop that. Like, for real. Boxes aren't even shaped like that, dude.
5. The person who inexplicably carries around the movie Up in their purse. They won't elaborate when you ask why. They have never seen Up. They do not ask, however what is Up. They are aware.
6. The barista with a beard that covers the entire lower half of his face. You suspect he doesn't have a mouth. You probably should not ask. You need to learn ASL.
7. Someone on a computer furiously typing, as though working on an important email. She is not working on an important email. She is working on an important blog post for her four faithful readers for the first time in a year. She recommends the lemon blueberry scone. 
8. The local star of an indie movie who is VERY THANKFUL no one is ambushing him with requests for signatures or photos. Really, usually tons of people come up to him. This break from fame is great. Really great. Yes. Really unexpected that everyone is playing it so cool.
9. Four people wearing teal. This will feel significant. You won't know why until mid-September.
10. The glitter enthusiast. Take her cue. Remember next time to bring your glitter. Maybe mix it in with your face wash. And shampoo. And lotion. This will protect you from Ira.