(the following is an adaptation of a blog post from a history blog i did a while ago)
So Domitian, an ancient roman emperor, predicted his own death. Yeah, I know, I know, you can't predict the future and can't change the past. History says otherwise. Here are the basics: according to astrological signs, he was going to die before noon. But around eleven a servant told him it was passed noon, so he figured he was safe. After that, an assassin came in with a knife concealed in a bandage on his arm, and stabbed Domitian. The assassination was secret at the time. There are no records until one one hundred years after it happened. (Suetonius's Account if you want to read it)
So how did people know? I've come up with a list of possible ways people knew.
1) A script from a failed tragedy.
MAN: “… then that one guy died and it was great. Yeah. Ha. I guess you had to be there.”
DOMITIAN: “Probably.”
MAN: “So did you see that new brand of Apollo sandals? Really snazzy.”
DOMITIAN: “I think I saw that.”
MAN: “I hear you get half off robes when you buy a pair from some pleb on Juno Street.”
DOMITIAN: “Nice deal.”
MAN: “So what kind of fermented grapes do you enjoy the most?”
DOMITIAN: “Look, dude, I don’t mean to be rude, but today's not the day for conversation. You see, astrology says I'm going to die before noon, and even though it's past noon, I don't want to take any chances.”
MAN: “Oh, sure, no problem. But could you sign my bandage first?”
DOMITIAN: “Sure. You got a quill?”
MAN: “Of course, right here. And oh look at what's underneath my bandage.”
DOMITIAN: “Wait, that looks like a dag--”
DOMITIAN is stabbed, falls to the ground.
2) *click* we discover that tape recorders have been around all along
3) A newspaper article.
“RULER OUTWITTED BY PLEBEIAN: FALLS FOR CLASSIC ‘LOOK AT THAT’ TRICK.”
“RULER FINDS THAT SERVANT HAS SOMETHING UP HIS SLEEVE”
4) Diary entry from Domitian.
"Dear diary, I think I'm going to be killed before noon. That's what the stars say anyway. Dom."
"Dear diary, A servant just told me it's past noon. Weird that the sun doesn't look that way, but it looks like I'm safe!"
"Dear diary, This one guy from the court is in my room now. I told him I was finishing some documents. He keeps scratching his arm where a bandage is. It's probably fine. Dom."
your regular birds hat blog posts will continue shortly.
"Dear diary, I think I'm going to be killed before noon. That's what the stars say anyway. Dom."
"Dear diary, A servant just told me it's past noon. Weird that the sun doesn't look that way, but it looks like I'm safe!"
"Dear diary, This one guy from the court is in my room now. I told him I was finishing some documents. He keeps scratching his arm where a bandage is. It's probably fine. Dom."
your regular birds hat blog posts will continue shortly.
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